I Hate Arkham
by Dcfan100
Summary: Throw in a game on monopoly, a handful of batman villains, crack, cheese and a few Monty Python references, and what do you get? This story apparently! Please read and review!


**Well, here is my next completely useless and random story, please read and review, suggestions and constructive criticism are welcome. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Batman the Animated Series…or monopoly…or Monty Python and the Holy Grail, or Avenue Q or….well you get the idea. **

"Well, that's all for today's session, I'll see you all tomorrow and…" Dr Young said as yet another apparently unsuccessful psychology session ended.

"Oh, Doc!" Joker's voice rang out. "Aren't you forgetting something?!"

"Joker you fool! Keep your mouth…" Poison Ivy began.

"Hey! Don't talk that way to Mr. J" Harley Quinn yelled in defense of her 'puddin'.

"Of course, I almost forgot today's 'getting to know each other' activity" Dr. Young smiled. Everyone except Joker and Harley groaned and shot Dr. Young the infamous 'When they let us out of the Looney bin you are going **down**!" look. Joker just chuckled to himself until Dr. Young took out the dreaded board game…monopoly! (Insert cheesy horror music here!)

Dun! Dun! Dun! (Thank you sound effect guy)

Immediately Two-Face yelled "I get the thimble!" and dove for the box then stopped, flipped his coin, then dove for the box again.

"Geez, how juvenile can you get Harvey" Riddler chuckled, then spying Scarecrow reaching for the car he quickly snatched it from the box and held onto it like his life depended on it "Mine!" he growled.

"Would somebody pass me the cannon?" Penguin asked.

"Penguin? You don't belong here, you're not insane" Poison Ivy said with a raised eyebrow.

"Neither do I" Catwoman sighed "Apparently the doctors thought we'd do better on some meds, and apparently taking medication qualifies us a seat if the crazy house, even though we're not insane"

"Oh yeah?" Joker muttered.

"Hey! Give me the cannon!" Killer croc shouted.

"Never!" Penguin said defending himself with his chair.

"Hand it over tiny! Before I have to hurt you!" Croc shouted again.

"Oooohhhhh" everyone said as the room suddenly got really quiet.

"Tiny!?" The Penguin asked indignantly getting into a boxing stance.

"Alright you two, break it up!" the head security guard said as two Arkham staff members picked the struggling and screaming Penguin up by the arms and started carrying him to his cell.

"Oh look! It's good old Dionysus, the god of wine! Hi Dionysus!" Maxie Zeus shouted in delight.

"I am not drunk!" Penguin screamed.

"Pff, you should have seen him at Rupert Thorne's Christmas party" Scarecrow said rolling his eyes.

"Whose going to be the Banker?" The Mad Hatter asked randomly.

"I will!" Poison Ivy volunteered until every criminal head in the room spun in her direction.

"Banker! Get her!" Joker shouted as every villain in the room except Two-Face and Catwoman attacked Poison Ivy.

"So, when do you break out of here?" Two-Face smiled.

"Some of us where actually planning to serve out complete sentence" Catwoman said, mildly freaked out. As a bunch of guards pried the villains off Poison Ivy.

"Aww, you can break out with…"

"You!" Batman's dark voice demanded "Stop flirting with my girl" he said as he started dragging Two-Face by the collar back to his cell. "Besides, flirting with Catwoman can be perilous"

"Well I'm sure I can face the peril" Two-Face said confidently.

"No you can't" Batman huffed.

"Can't I just face a little bit of peril?" he asked hopefully.

"No it's too perilous" Batman sighed.

"I bet you're gay" Two-Face growled. Joker's eyes suddenly widened then narrowed as he stared at the Dark Knight.

"That's a distinct possibility" Joker said.

"Oh my gosh! Jokers right! Batman's gay" Catwoman said in horror.

"I am not gay"

"_If you were gay!" _Joker started to sing.

"_That'd be okay!"_ Scare face continued. _"I mean cause hey…!" _

"Everyone Shut Up!" Batman snapped, silencing all inmates and guards. As soon as Batman turned around all the inmates stuck out there tongues at him, which was kind of weird considering Two-Face and Scarfaces tongues.

**Well, there you have it, complete crack! Please review and tell me how I did, suggestions are constructive criticism are welcome but Flames are not!**


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